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My Visit to the Other Side

In 1967 I was living in Houston, Texas with my six year old daughter. I was extremely depressed, drinking heavily and felt that my life had no direction or purpose. My loftiest goal was to diet myself thin and marry a man with money enough to solve all my problems.

One day I came home from work, exhausted, and lay down on the bed. My mood was bleak and I completely relaxed into a make-the-world-go-away frame of mind. I almost immediately fell into myself - imploded. I experienced a sense of speed like being on a toboggan - a whooshing sound - and fell rapidly through a tunnel of blue, satin light. At the end of the tunnel was a clearing and in it's center a "blue bag". The bag was organic and like the sac containing a baby. A birth sac. It's shape was organic and roughly pear-shaped, with an opening at the top. I floated to the top of the sac and when I did, "knowings" began to spew out of the bag. By "knowings", I mean a complete, four-dimensional understanding of a concept or idea without it's coating of words. Have you ever heard something a hundred times and then one day you "knew" what it meant? It is very difficult to describe my experience in words because it was pre-verbal.

Anyway, the "knowings" were popping out of the top of the bag as thick and fast as popcorn popping out of a pan. I tried to grab some so I could take them back with me and put words on them so I could remember them. But they were too numerous and happening too fast to get hold of. I "knew" that what I had found was the sum total of all "knowing" or wisdom of all people for all time - past, present and future. All wisdom comes from this pool of collective knowing and all we learn goes into the pool for the use of everyone.

I left the blue bag and immediately found myself high above the earth. I could look down and view the curvature of the earth, its colors and the shape of its waters and continents. I was not only above space, though, I was also above time. I could see the movement of the people and ideas that had shaped and been shaped by history. At each period in history, I experienced the total "feel" of that period, including its music, architecture, styles of clothing, political thinking and literature. It was like a vast march of people from different times with different world-views, all working together. Like removing the top of a gigantic piece of machinery and observing all the wheels, cogs and pulleys working together. On the surface we see none of this, but take off the top and we can see it. My vision took off the top.

I "knew" that we are all connected with each other - like mountain climbers with ropes around their middles. When one of us falls, we pull the others down. When we climb up, we help others up. We're all in this together. I "knew" that what we observe as empty space between us is not empty. We are like marbles in a sheet of glass. You don't see the glass, you see the marbles. But the glass holds the marbles together. We are held together by an invisible substance that is around us and between us. It is invisible to us, but it is real. I saw that life on this planet was not random, there is a giant plan. The plan, however, is on a scale that is incompressible to us. Our minds are too finite to grasp it. I was shown a ball that was convoluted and contained all surfaces.

For years after my experience, I looked for someone who could explain this to me. I would take a strip of paper and twist and attach the two ends together. "What is this?" I'd ask. Finally, years later, I met a physicist who told me it was a mobius strip. I told him I had seen a solid round ball that was like this mobius strip. The physicist said that would be a mobius solid. Pure mathematics has proven a mobius solid can exist, he said, but our three-dimensional minds could not envision one. I told him I had seen one. He just shook his head. During my experience, I was told that all time is "now" and all space is "here". I believe there was more to this middle part of my experience that will be revealed to me when the time is right.

I moved from this vantage point back into that beautiful blue light. I came into the picture from the right, front and slightly at an angle toward the center. Before me, there was a group of "essences" of people. If you refined a field of flowers to a single drop of perfume, that would be the essence of the flowers. These essences of people were like drops of water in a bucket of water - they were individual, but collective. They were grouped together in a triangle shape - like bowling pins are set up - with the apex of the triangle toward me. There was one essence that stood slightly in front of the others. I had the sense that this one spoke for the others but was not in authority over them.
As I came near them, I was immediately aware that this group knew me better than I would ever know myself, accepted me totally, and loved me completely. The love that came out from them washed over me in waves and was so pure and strong I could not hardly bear it. I was one of them and always had been. They knew it and I knew it. The one slightly in front communicated with my heart and mind and told me I could not stay, I must go back. The presence felt masculine, although I did not identify it as any known spiritual figure. I begged him not to send me back. He told me very firmly that there was something I had to do, but that they would be there for me and I could come back to them when I had finished my work.

I immediately popped back outside and rose from the bed, with a deep down anger that I was back here. For weeks I was angry at having to come back, but then I set my self toward doing whatever it was I was supposed to do here. This experience changed my life and I made many worthwhile changes in my life as a result of having had it. I let go of some bad behavior and commenced a dedicated spiritual search that has taken me into all sorts of rich and interesting places.

I'm still not real sure why they sent me back, but I suspect it was to share the experience (as I have many times, especially with terminal AIDS patients) and give others the opportunity to share their experiences.

In 1995, my dear little Schnoodle (Schnauzer/Poodle) suffered a doggie-stroke and had to be put to sleep. He had been the light of my life for 16 years.

I grieved his death intensely. One night as I lay in bed, I was suddenly allowed to visit the place of the "essences of people" one more time.

As I neared the triangle of loving souls, I could see quite clearly the figure of my dear Josh sitting at their feet and smiling at me. Intuitively I knew they would care for him until I could join them.

I still miss him terribly, but I know he is okay and waiting for me there.